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Why I’ll be buying everyone JC Penney gift cards for their birthday from now on… 

Coming out

It’s a little weird, reading all of this anti-cis stuff on tumblr and beyond.

Just to be clear about where I come from and how I identify… I am a lesbian. I was born a female and throughout my early life I was forced to wear women’s clothing. I was given a woman’s name and referred to as such for most of my life. It was an awful feeling, being forever forced to wear skirts and dresses and tights and fancy shoes and have my hair pulled up or flattened down and do not even get me started with the make up. I always felt so brutally uncomfortable in these trappings. Sometime during the summer before college I started wearing men’s underwear. It was awesome. The first time i felt truly sexy and comfortable and confident. I started buying other articles of “men’s” clothing and eventually my entire closet and dresser were filled with strictly “men’s” clothing. The only problem was, it wasn’t a man’s clothing, it’s my clothing. And I am a woman. I did have to make that choice. I did have to rectify the fact that while I dress in “men’s” clothing, I am a woman and I love my breasts and vagina and I might even want to carry a baby one day. And yes, for me it is a choice. I tried packing and I tried binding and it didn’t feel right. I like the way my vagina feels in men’s underwear. And i like the way my breasts look juxtaposed to my armpit hair. And it’s beautiful and wonderful that I have the chance to make this choice and I have the friends who I know would stand by me no matter what. I’ve been mistaken for a man, no matter how long my hair is if I put a hoodie up, I am mistaken for a man (or more like young boy), but generally i just look like a dyke.

Speaking of the long hair — i’d just like to say i’ve always felt if I was trans or cis I would keep the hair. No way of knowing if that’s true or not, but it’s just a little feeling I have. 

Anyway, my name is still a woman’s name, because I am a woman, but i’m referred to by a sort of intersex nickname most of the time, and most of my friends will tell you it feels weird to hear/say my birth name.

I hope this doesn’t cause any drama, but I just want to put it all in perspective. Everyday for me, is a choice to live as a cis lesbian woman who wears men’s clothing. To you I might just look like another dyke, but if we all sat around with a dictionary I might just be a transvestite. Fortunately the world is not black and white and I get to be both. I still don’t know what it all means, but here i am.

(Disclaimer: this is no way ignoring the privilege being a cis woman carries, i totally get that, and it’s a fucking shame. just trying to give another facet to the queer  gem)


LGBTQ* Pride Flags You Should Know

#1: Gay/Lesbian Pride

#2: Bisexual Pride

#3: Pansexual Pride

#4: Asexual/Ace Pride

#5: Genderqueer Pride (click HERE for more information)

#6: Intersex Pride

#7: Trans* Pride

#8: Lipstick Lesbian Pride

#9: Bear Pride (click HERE for more information)

#10: Leather Pride

Tags: gay queer bar